Did I want it? Was it a conscious decision? No, it was not my choice at all. The people around me were so depressing, rigid and stuck to their archaic hierarchical and patriarchal structure. 'Dreams, dreams, that's all u have', i was told. Yes, dreams rather than that conservative scheisse. Dreams of pictures and stories, of Paris through moviecam: long swinging sweeps, moonllight and citylights, old and modern...
I just want to run from here. Not the place but the people. I'm dying. I hate this 'home, priest, job' -scheisse!!! I don't have to listen or to accept it, no. And the dreams are dying. I so want to see them grow wings and fly. Not to sink to a swamp of dying anaerobic organisms.
But everything is sinking, dragging me with to the depths of depression. I'm fighting, imagining that life exists somewhere in this world, that love is possible, and laughter without reason, just because it feels like laughing...
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